New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
