i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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