I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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