I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Hello my rib-scented angel!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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