You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
