After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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