Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.

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(630): View more from Illinois

btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts

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(519): View more from Ontario

What color are my eyes?

(1-519): View more from Ontario

Ummmm... 34 C?

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(727): View more from Florida

Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it

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(620): View more from Kansas

Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.

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(631): View more from New York

He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background

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(515): View more from Iowa

I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..

(320): View more from Minnesota

You did not just say that.

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