Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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