whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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