Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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