okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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