a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
