I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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