My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
