There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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