Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize