Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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