the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
