I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
