Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
