I'm lost and stupid without you.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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