OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
