there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
