I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
