White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
