Your face is a jimmy john
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
