We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
