Only a mothe r could love this liver
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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