Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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