You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
