um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize