I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
