My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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