I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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