If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
