I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
id be glad to
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize