Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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