so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
