i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
