tell your sister to shave her snatch
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's official drugs can't kill me
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
