I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Is it penis luge time yet?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
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