you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
