thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
