ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize