And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
