Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
