Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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