Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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