Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
