Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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