I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just cut my nipple shaving
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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