So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize