I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
They are going to name an STD after you.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
