u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
you never un-have a 4some
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
