ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
