It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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