It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
