omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
