I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
