pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
