How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
