so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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