and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
