Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
