he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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