Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
farters have to be the big spoon...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
