When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My vagina just recognized that song.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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