used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
