Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
