Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
